Taking Care of Self

If you’re in social service, a caregiver, a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, in a helping profession, a homemaker, a student, or, everyday you feel like you find yourself getting swallowed up by demands, or swimming against a current just to get to the other side, you can’t swim, and you make it anyway, you’re probably resilient. There are specific characteristics related to being Resilient and it plays a large role in our mental and emotional health. Resiliency allows us to bounce back from situations, large or small. It gives us the ability to absorb set backs, press a reset switch and tune into what we really need to take care of ourselves.

The difficulty these days is rather than being in episodically stressful situations, we are bombarded with stimulation on an ongoing and regular basis. This is different from having hectic days here and there, where a little bit of stress or anxiety can be a good motivator. In addition to the quality and quantity of potentially stressful situations spiking, for any number of reasons, there can also be delays in our ability to respond to it, well. Delayed, “should’a, would’a, could’a, Monday morning quarterback syndrome” doesn’t help, especially in the age of the internet. The time we have to tune in, breathe, and take a moment, have become shorter and shorter. The Good news is, that we can strengthen our resiliency to reduce stress and feel better in the moment and over time, with a few tips for example, as offered by verywell.com. They are:

1. Develop the Right Attitude

2. Become Aware

3. Develop an Internal Locus of Control

4. Cultivate Optimism

5. Rally Support

6. Maintain Your Sense of Humor

7. Exercise

8. Get in Touch with Your Spiritual Side

9. Don’t Give Up

10. Be Patient w/Yourself and Just Do Your Best

Just Do Your Best : )

Having an Internal Locus of Control will reduce stress by volumes! Elizabeth Scott, M.S., in “Secrets to Finding Personal Control Over Stress – How an Internal Locus of Control Can Lead to Stress Relief” found in verywell.com, provides a description of internal and external locus of controls and affects of each. I’ve provided a brief definition of each below.

1. Internal Locus of Control – ♥You are in charge of your life.

2. External Locus of Control – Other people are in charge of your life.

Ms. Scott offers techniques for developing an Internal Locus of Control that can be found in the technique sections of the article above or “Develop an Internal Locus of Control.” I’ve included a summary below:

1. You always have a choice to change your situation.

2. If you feel trapped make a list of all options.

3. Brainstorm with a friend to help you with your list.

4. Evaluate which option is best, keeping others as alternatives.

5. Repeat the process when you feel you have no options.

Please read the article it offers additional information on ♥positive and negative self talk which also has a lot to do with self esteem, which is included in the “Steam Shifters” section of this website.

Internal Locus of Control

I was once encouraged to record events leading up to situations that were stressful whenever they occurred and after a few weeks of this, I was supposed to sit back and watch what happens. So, I did. To my surprise, what I discovered was that there were very specific and consistent events leading up to the he emotions I was experiencing, like clockwork, turned out the scenarios would appear and re-appear-I learned not to react-see the patter and then respond. Once I could figure out which types of things or situations really affected me negatively, I learned I could make choices, decide how to respond, and and stay away from being thrown into a roller coaster ride of emotions. Another great supervisor of mine when discussing these types of scenarios told me to, “Stop falling for the bait!” This information can also be found on this site in the section “Communication.“ This also reinforced my internal locus of control. If I was unable to respond exactly in that moment and sometimes it was better to hold my tongue, I would just say “Wow” aloud or to myself.

The “Wow” tip came from a person who was giving a presentation at a conference in a pretty packed room. He said, when someone does something that could just throw you off your center, “Just Say Wow.” He stated that not only does “Just Say Wow” make you smile, it is an immediate de-stressor and gives you time to breathe and think before you speak. This is a very key element in keeping your cool in situations that could land you in trouble. This has lots to do with Emotional Intelligence as suggested by the helpguide. I’ve included their definition and summarize tips from this article below:

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to identify, use, understand, and manage emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.

Emotional Intelligence Consists of 4 Attributes:

1. Self Awareness

2. Self-Management

3. Social Awareness

4. Relationship Management

Why is Emotional Intelligence Important? It Effects:

1. Your Performance @Work

2. Your Physical Health

3. Your Mental Health

4. Your Relationships

We can just say, everything…it’s think of examples that have been affected in your life, mostly. Start with that.

How Do You Develop Emotional Intelligence? It Consists of Five Key Skills – Each Building on the Other:

1. The ability to quickly reduce stress.

2. The ability to recognize and manage your emotions.

3. The ability to connect with others using nonverbal

communication.

4. The ability to use humor and play to deal with challenges.

5. The ability to resolve conflicts positively and with

confidence.

Practicing each of these skill sets regularly will build Emotional Intelligence. The article also offers guiding principles to practice.

So getting back to stress reduction, the other good news is that we don’t have to wait to feel better and you’re not alone. Mental Health America, formerly, the National Mental Health Association, (MHA) states that one in four persons, at least here in the United States, described themselves as “super stressed” and MHA believes the “key to managing stress lies in one magic word, balance.” MHA is referring to the work life balance and offers a few tips in the article Work Life Balance” which I’ve summarized below:

At Work:

1. ♥Set Manageable Goals Each Day

2. Be Efficient with Your Time At Work

3. Ask for Flexibility

4. Take Five

5. Tune In

6. Communicate Effectively

7. Give Yourself A Break

At Home:

1. Turn Off Devices (for a little personal time)

2. Chores-Outline Who Does What & What You Do Together

3. ♥Don’t Over Commit – Schedule Too Much – Bite Off More Than You Can Chew

4. ♥Get Support – Chat w/ Friends and Family

5. Take Advantage of Your Company’s Employee Assistance Program (EAP)

6. Stay Active

7. Treat Your Body Right

8. ♥Get Help If You Need It

Recognizing and acknowledging when you’re really stressed will go a long way in reducing it. The helpguide.org offers information to help us determine when we’re experiencing stress. Excellent reference, please click on the link. It helps quiet the voice that’s telling you your just fine when you’re not. The guide around stress offers amazing quick stress relief tips, that really work, like “talking to someone who listens” and bringing “your senses to the rescue.” I’ve summarized key points of the article, though it is really worth the read and going back to since these are immediate stress busters* (former article I enjoyed so much I kept it in) useful for the beyond busy lifestyles we have today!!

“♥Be Your Own Stress-Busting Superhero” – “…think of it as an education with a huge payoff.* *helpguide.org.

Tips for Recognizing Your Stressed:

1. Observe Your Muscles and Insides

2. Observe Your Breath

Identify Your Body’s Stress Response:

1. Overexcited

2. Under Excited

3. Frozen

The Basics of Quick Stress Relief:

1. ♥Talk to Someone Who Listens – a Rapid Stress Reducer

2. ♥Bring Your Senses to the Rescue

*Sights

*Sounds

*Smell & Scents

*Touch

*Taste

*Movement

3. Use Your Imagination to Develop Sensory Inspiration. How?

*Use Memories

*Watch Others

*What Did Parents, Parental Figures, Mentors, Coaches, Guides, Elders, do that was helpful?

4. ♥Take a Break From Technology (this one keeps coming up with a great tip here by Becky Wright of Happiful in her article It’s Time To Connect in Real Life and Take a Day Away).

Make Quick Stress Relief a Habit:

1. Start Small

2. Identify and Target – just one low level stressor for 2 wks, then another

3. Test-Drive Sensory Input – Try Out a Few

4. Make “have fun” your motto

5. Talk About It

Quick Acting Stress-busting Tips:

Awareness –That You Have Control of Your Surroundings – Create a ‘Stress Prevention Zone’ with your stress busters or stress buster self, within arms reach!

These suggestions offered by help.org (a Great site for other things too) also has quick stress relief tips for at home and while at work in specific situations or locations at work in the remainder of the article. Additionally there are streams of helpful information at the bottom of the page you can access for more topics!

Another quick tip to reduce stress that works really well has to do with Making a Change presented by the Mountain State Center. Any change. Sometimes getting a glass of water, going for a walk as also mentioned by Help.org and happens to be one of my favorites, or adjusting a lopsided picture on the wall can do miracles. I actually just watched someone do that one day, and it brightened the rest of my day! Go figure. Yes it can sometimes be just those little things. There are more comprehensive guides for stress reduction help.org offers that includes acknowledging our tendency to shrug stress away, normalize it, say to ourselves that’s just the way it is, or start adapting negative ways of dealing with stress. This can lead to additional stress related problems that can be prevented.

There are many ways available today and since the beginning of time, that have been practiced to reduce stress in the moment and consistently overtime. The results of any one of them can lead to less stress! Mindtools, again, a delicious website, offers immediate tips, and with practice ongoing techniques that can reduce stress and improve the overall quality health. To begin to reduce stress, the practice of “centering” as explained by Mindtools.org can be used at any time. It was written to assist people in getting a grip before a presentation, though the act of centering can be use in any situation. Mindtools explains, “At it’s basic level, stress is energy. Centering is a process that helps to manage that energy” and proceeds to tell us how. In a wonderful way, Mindtools also offers an overview of “Relaxation Techniques” from “Using Music or Relaxation” techniques, to “Physical Relaxation Techniques” to “Yoga” to “Meditation” and a few others. There is also a testimonial given by Kellie Fowler in “Relaxation & The Relaxation Response” that includes a simple technique to begin.

If you’d like more information about meditation, verywell.com offers in “Benefits and Different Types of Meditation Techniques” written by Elizabeth Scott, M.S., a good guide for many types of meditation. I’ve provided a summary below:

Common Threads of Meditation:

1. Quiet Mind

2. Being in the Now

3. Altered State of Consciousness – Change Your State of Mind – Take Deep Breaths.

Types of Meditation:

1. Basic – Sitting comfortably and letting your thoughts dissolve.

2. Focused – Focus intently on something without engaging thoughts on it.

3. Activity Oriented – Walking, gardening, creating art, yoga.

4. ♥Mindfulness – Staying in the present.

5. Spiritual – Clearing the mind and accepting what follows.

Mindfulness, as verywell.com describes in the article, “Mindfulness: The Health and Stress Relief Benefits – A Powerful Tool for Positive Change” written by Ms. Scott describes it as the “…practice of becoming more fully aware of the present moment-non-judgmentally and completely–rather than dwelling in the past or projecting into the future.” Staying in the present is one of the most powerful practices I know! It means being in the “here and now” and anyone can benefit! Some studies have shown the benefits of Mindfulness. I’ve summarized the findings taken from the same article below:

The Benefits of Mindfulness – Mindfulness has shown to help with:

1. Anxiety Disorders, Including Generalized Anxiety Disorder

2. Depression

3. Relationship Issues

4. Sleep Problems

5. Eating Disorders

6. Stress Management

If you find yourself needing something more concrete and immediate to reduce stress in the meantime, try cleaning. Yep! In addition to helping to eliminate the stress of finding things, it will open the path for positive energy. For more information check out “6 Ways that Cleaning Can Alleviate Stress” and “The Cost of Clutter.” Try clearing the space you’re in right now, or breathe deeply and look at something inspiring to give your mind a rest…

Taking Care Of Self

Taking Care of Self