Communication

Communication

Re-wiring our brains can also help with communication.  I knew  someone who completely altered her communication and engagement style at work simply by putting her mind to it.  It was so inspiring! She made a conscious decision to change how she responded to people and continued in the success of her role and vitality for the company. When my communication suffered I found a few words of wisdom and several of the practices found on the next few sections very helpful!

1.  Say what you mean and don’t say it mean…

2.  Practice what you preach.

3.  Remind yourself, words are powerful.

4.  Become that which you seek to change.

 

Aysha Schurman wrote in her article, “Ten Effective Communication Skills“ for Life123.com tips I found very helpful.  The link for this information is no longer active though the tips are below:

1.  Get to the Point.  Be as direct as

you can be.

2.  Manners Count.  Be polite.

3.  I Statements.  Use “I” to describe how something makes you feel.  It has a way of disarming people.

4.  Positive Thinking.  Keep your tone positive.

5.  Understanding.  Use Active Listening.

6.  Spice Up Your Words.  Use inflection to make it interesting.

7.  Visual Cues.  Use graphs, pictures and other aids when possible.

8.  Clarity.  Avoid ambiguity.

9.  You Know What They Say About Assuming.  Don’t assume you know.

10.  Patience.  Have patience.

WikiHow first defines communication as a process of transferring messages between senders and receivers in many ways, see point one.  I Love this! It reminds me of my Mom telling us since the time I can remember, “You have to always make sure what you’re saying is palatable.  “Whuh?” I remember saying. She would paraphrase, “Make sure people understand what your saying, you have to say it in a way it will be understood by the listener. otherwise, you’re not saying anything.” WikiHow list 14 ways of “How to Develop Good Communication Skills.”  

1.  Know What Communication Really Is.  

2.  Have Courage to Say What You Think.  I alluded to this earlier in describing a sort of checklist to help monitor our responses to certain situations.  Some situations can result in our sudden or increasingly prolonged loss of courage. This can limit our ability to communicate fully. Knowing what events are eroding or have eroded that courage can hep you gain perspective.  Seeing situations for what they are also helps.  Once you’re able to identify trends and patterns of situations

that keep appearing and you realize where your feelings are coming from, this helps you gain perspective and the courage to say what you really think. Another trick is to remember, that we all put on pants the same way.

3.  Practice.  It’s hard to imagine this would be so important in this day

and age and it’s hard not to imagine that this would be so important in

this day and age! The digital highway, no matter who we are, makes it

harder and harder to do so.  It starts with looking up.  Despite the

degrees of discomfort, practice earnest communication as often as you

can.  WikiHow states “…each time you use your communication skills,

you open yourself to opportunities and future partnerships.”  Every

time you speak you are practicing.

4.  Make Eye Contact.  WikiHow offers tips for improving eye contact

like looking at one eye of the person your speaking to, then the other.

5.  Use Gestures.  This is a great recommendation, though I’ve also seen

where being overly demonstrative can backfire.  It all depends on the

situation, circumstance or context of what’s happening around you and

who your audience is.

6.  Don’t Send Mixed Messages.  There’s a commercial that illustrates

this to the extreme.  It’s a woman whose facial gestures indicate that

she is experiencing all emotions at the same time.  This can be very

difficult to read and may send an unintended message.  Another of my

Mom’s favorite sayings is, “You have to teach people how to treat you.”

If you’re sending mixed messages, you are not helping others

understand you or your needs and you’re not helping them with

information they may need from you.

7.  Be Aware of What Your Body is Saying.  Nonverbal communication

speaks louder than words.  I’ve noticed that the times I’ve been most

intrigued by what a person was saying, I was also intrigued by their

body language I found myself most intrigued with an open, confident

disposition. If they were sitting, their hands were by their sides or

sometimes on the table, almost Buddha like.  If they were standing,

their hands were behind them, side by side or folded in front of them.

WikiHow suggests keeping an “…approachable stance.”

8.  Manifest Constructive Attitudes and Beliefs.  I love this one!  This

mind set has helped me get through the toughest of days, moments, or

after the fact, weeks!  Begin your day by thinking ‘Go Ahead and Make

it a Great Day.’  Don’t try to make it stellar, the crash when something

ridiculous happens is too far.  Look in a sort of even keel way to find

the bright side, the good in a thing and that you’re right where you

need.  It goes a long way. This has a way of translating into

communication.  The option can lead to a negativity slide which can

linger for too long and keep you there, like being in a muddy puddle.

Not the fun kind.

9.  Develop Effective Listening Skills.  WikiHow suggests that the only

way you can really effectively communicate is if you really listen to

what a person is saying.

10.  Enunciate Your Words.  Not being able to hear what someone is

saying because they’re speaking too low or mumbling can lead to a lot

of misinterpretations and may not pave the way for you to have your

needs met.   There’s more on this topic in the next section

11.  Pronounce Your Words Correctly.  Don’t use words your not sure

of.  My rule of thumb is, if I have to debate it don’t use it.  If

someone corrects you, thank them, they’ve got your back.

12.  Use the Right Words.  If you have to debate it, or you’re not sure of

a words meaning, according to Wiki, don’t use it.  They suggest

looking it up and practicing a new word everyday.

13.  Slow Your Speech Down.  If you speak fast, try and slow down.

This next section covers overarching themes around communication and what I Love about it most is it starts out with two clearly defined messages  then describes techniques!  Skills2lead is also a fantastic website with incredibly useful information on a number of topics!  In Skills2lead’s “Techniques for Effective Communication”  I’ve outlined the messages, then techniques below:

1.  Two Sides of the Same Coin:  Here is the first place Skills to Lead

suggests we start.  Both sides are responsible for effective

     communication.

A)  The authors state, “It is the sender’s responsibility to make 

sure the communication is effective.”  In summary

“…communication is receiver-based.”  It’s all about what the

              receiver heard, not what message was sent.

B)  The other side of the equation is “Seek to understand, then to be 

understood.”  In other words, “Listen with the intent to

understand.”  This is a concept from Stephen R. Covey’s “The 7

 Habits of Highly Effective    

 People.” (There is a newer version “The Eight Habits of Highly

 Effective People” by Stephen Covey).

2.  Two-Person Situations:  Here techniques are offered for effective

communication.

A)  Derived from an interview Stephen R. Covey once had, the

             “Indian Talking Stick” was discussed.  Here only the person

             holding the stick can speak.  Those not holding has only one job,

             to listen.  To be sure the person is actually listening, they     

             must repeat back what they have understood first,

             before being able to hold the stick to speak.  The key is the

             person speaking must first be certain the listener really understood

             what they were saying before giving over the stick.

3.  Open Verses Closed Environments:  This information is powerful

     also. I have outlined the first portion of this section pretty much

     verbatim.

A)  The authors state: “The characteristics of an Open 

Communication Environment typically are:“

 -There is trust to express different opinions and disagreements

 -All ideas are seriously considered

 -Communication flows in all directions -Etc.

B)  “…Closed Communication Environments are:“

-People fear to express what they really think

-One-way and top-down communication

-There is lack of true dialogue -Etc.

C) The authors suggest ways Open Communication can be fostered 

in organizations, a preferred type of environment unless there’s

an urgent situation in “Communication for Teams.”  I’ve highlighted  this area in the next section!

If your responsible for a team this section on communication is great!  The information is taken directly from Communication for Teams as highlighted above on the Skills2Lead page of “Small Group Communication.”  The authors basically state that the better you’re communicating with your team the better their performance will be.  It all rests with you, as their leader. Though I might interchange the word “boss” the information is super useful describing five things you can do to improve the communication with your team as follows:

 

1)  Candor:  Frankness, being honest and candor are need to be effective. 

The authors state it is impossible to have effective small group 

communication without it.

 

2)  Trust:  Your team needs to know your going to tell them the truth. 

Building trust has to do with the next three areas needed for effective 

small group communication.

 

3)  Integrity:  The means being at one with your thoughts, actions, and 

words.  You are living what you speak and what you speak of is 

consistent with your actions.  Your team will recognize your 

consistency and trust you for it.

 

4)  Authenticity:  This means being exactly who you are in front of your 

team, the good, the bad and the ugly.  Showing that you make mistakes, 

can be vulnerable and your strengths, will build a solid trusting 

relationship.

 

5.  Vulnerability:  Just as it’s a leaders job to know his/her team, it’s just as 

important for the team to know their leader.   They need to see you’re 

vulnerabilities too.  Allowing your vulnerabilities to show will actually 

bring you closer to your team to achieve goals especially when they see 

you’re in the same boat!

“The value of communication is the result you get…”  That one just in 

by my partner and quoted from an unknown source!